Getting "Support" from Child Protective Services

There are two kinds of social workers in hospitals. One (the majority) works tremendously hard: trying to find housing for homeless patients; counseling;  helping families find resources; and so on. These kind wear comfortable shoes. Usually runners.

The other kind (very rare) does the bare minimum, and looks to avoid responsibility and liability for anything. This kind wears high heels or dress shoes.

So my wife and I were sitting in the ER. After seeing a triage nurse and psych residents, I cringed when I heard a click-click-click of high heels headed towards us.

The social worker looked like she was headed out to a party, and the whole hospital was just an inconvenience. Her lipsticked mouth said, "Hello, my name is Jess. Let's see how we can help you today," but her heavily lined eyes said "I'm bored and couldn't give a shit about you and your problems."

She briefly took notes and looked at the chart. "Hmmm...it looks like your family could probably use some support." Then she clicked away.

I think "support" is social worker code for calling child protection. Sure enough, we were informed by a nurse that the Ministry of Children and Family Development (the child protection agency where I live) had been called and had opened a file, and would be investigating to make sure our children were safe from the perils of mental illness.

It is a terrible stereotype that mentally ill people are dangerous. In fact, people with a mental illness are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators. Yet of course in the media we only hear about those rare instances of psychosis becoming severely dangerous. Compared to the number of violent crimes committed by the sane, I would rather hang out with the mentally ill anytime.

The ER doc and psychiatrist both rolled their eyes when they heard that my family had been reported.

This is how the investigation went down:

Ministry Social Worker: "We are pleased to be working with you. I would appreciate you sharing the details with me. We like it better that way. Of course, by law we can just go and get your medical records, but it is so much nicer to have you cooperate. It gives you a feeling of control over your situation. Then we can offer you support."

I tell her the details. She says "That doesn't sound too bad. Your children are safe and well-cared for. That's great."

Me: "So, the file will be closed?"

Social Worker: "No, we will keep it open so we can get you support if you need it."

Me: "What kind of support can I get?"

Social Worker: "We can offer respite care for your children, and programs for them."

Me: "That's fantastic! What do I have to do to get access to that?"

Social Worker: "We have to show that your children are in imminent danger."

Me: "Which they're not."

Social Worker: "No, they're not. So, we will just have to see how it goes."

Turns out, in order to have the file closed, we need a letter from a psychiatrist saying that we will never be a risk to our children.

No pschiatrist will write such a letter, due to liability risks. The file remains open to this day.

So, here I am, a librarian who works with children, being investigated by the MCFD. I informed my manager right away, and she was very understanding.

But I can't help feeling badly for all of the children who are hungry, abused and neglected who aren't getting any help because my family is taking up a spot in the backlog of cases.

Simply because of a stereotype.

How To Make Yourself Invisible

Okay, here's a hypothesis:

1. Everyone has feelings and moods.
2. Most people can control their feelings and moods.
3. People fear those who are out of control (drunk, angry, violent, on drugs).
4. Mental illness is a loss of control of feelings, moods and perception.
5. Therefore, people fear those with a mental illness, as they believe they are out of control.

They show this fear by:

• Pretending the illness does not exist.
• Assuming that the illness is contrived.
• Telling the ill person to change their behaviour.
• Minimizing the symptoms.
• Shunning them.

It's not all bad - it's a way you can actually make yourself invisible! Try it! Go out on the street and start talking to yourself. Watch - people will make a wide path for you and look away. (This is how I jog on the seawall on a sunny weekend). Wave your arms for added effect (it's good cardio, too). No one will say hello or bother you or get in your way. It's fantastic! Better than the cloak of invisibility!

Which brings me to another, sadder point about invisibility. According to Stats Canada and the World Health Organization, suicide is the second leading cause of death in Canada for people under 45: ahead of cancer, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, pneumonia, and everything else. Accidents are the only cause greater than suicide.

But why do they say suicide? Every other morbidity category that WHO and StatsCan use describes the disease that caused the death. Suicide is not a disease - it's a behaviour. That's like saying eating too much sugar is a disease, or smoking too much is a disease. Nobody I know with a mental illness (myself included) attempted suicide wanting to die - we were very sick, and happy to be saved. (Besides, it wasn't my fault - Darth Vader made me do it).

Why are suicides never reported on the news? Broadcasters say it's because of a fear of copycats. But they cover murders, robberies and serieal killings. It's not like mental illness is contagious. Again, I thinkg that broadcast execs fear that reporting on mental illness might give their stations poor ratings - people fear the mentally ill, and less reporting gives us the perception that suicides and mentally ill people are extremely rare. So nobody has anything to fear.

Here are some things I think we should do:

1. Never minimize anyone's symptoms. Anxiety, bipolar, depression, schizophrenia, and all of the rest are debilitating diseases worthy of the same compassion as diabetes, MS, alzheimers, and all of the rest.

2. Rather than say that someone committed suicide, say "they died of mental illness."

3. Talk with friends and family with mental illness the same way you would talk to them about other health issues.

4. Use the mental health "cloak of invisibility" for good, not evil.

Thanks!

Mental Note: The best way to get compassion is first to show it. Acknowledge other people's problems before expecting them to acknowledge yours.