September Susan
It was September and I was admitted into the Hospital
Psychiatric Ward…..much to my dismay I was put in a four person ward with
flimsy white curtains separating myself from the next loony! I had an air about
myself where I believed I was too good for this place and besides I was really
good at acting and convincing people I was really normal …or so I thought. Perhaps I wouldn’t be here if I was so adept
at acting or fooling people? I would
wait for a private room to open up and then I would be offered that so I
thought.
A day or two had passed and no
private room was offered and I realized I was being punished or something by
being left in this room! I dispied the
other women their smells and crazy chatter I kepted my curtains shut on a
regular basis…no way was I going to even look at them! Days passed and one day we got a new woman
into the room. I could hear the nurse and her getting settled and I knew she was
very troubled. She too hid behind her
curtain for days I never saw her only could hear her ranting at times and the
smell was disgusting from her detoxing and I was mad that I had to endure
this! I would hear her crying a lot and
pleading with God or someone not there? A part of me felt somewhat sorry for
her she never got any visitor’s ever.
After completing my 3 week stay I was released to go home on my day to leave I packed up all my
things,things I had collected since my stay…cards,old flowers,napkins with some
loonie’s phone number on it saying “call me sometime when you get out” with a
smiley face. Rule number one Never make
friends in a psych ward! I continued
leaving and on my way out I heard the woman crying I stopped and drew back her
curtain expecting to see some crazed lunatic but not this case, I saw a
beautiful woman with long brown hair and huge eyes looking so pained.
I asked
her if she was alright? She replied I just need a quarter for the phone to call
my kids and I have no money” I went into
my wallet and gave her a few quarters that I had and layed them on her
bed. She begun to cry some more and
thank me over and over her name was Susan I found out. I said to her
“everything will be okay Susan be strong and I put my hand on hers and then
left.
Weeks had passed since I was
released and I picked up the news paper one day while sipping some coffee and
flipping through the pages I came across a picture of a woman who to me was
very familiar…it was Susan. It was her obituary…she had stood in front of a
train and ended her 44 year old life.
I read on to find out she was a amazing
mother and said she will love her children forever……My heart sank and I cried
over her I cried for her children for not being able to do more for her. I think of her every September when the trees
change color and each leaf falls delicately to the ground I find the prettiest
one and I take it home and press it and then I thank God for my life.
